Category Archives: Writing

In here you will find writing and poems that I have written myself. Hope you enjoy!

Happy Halloween! 👻

October 31, 2020 BackStory

Happy Halloween everyone!

I know this Halloween is strange because of the global pandemic but we can still try to make it an enjoyable day, safely of course.

This year I’m dressed up as a Hogwarts student, with the robes, scarf and everything. I admit I put a little bit more effort this year for a costume(unlike every other year)because I wanted to make this(otherwise depressing) year a little bit better, one day at a time. Since we obviously can’t go out to trick-treat, my parents came up with the idea of having my brother and sister go “door to door” in our house for candy. Going to each room in our house and then receive candy from our parents or me.

I think we should find safe ways to enjoy these holidays, or just do something a little special on any given day, to spice up your time at home. For Halloween, why don’t you eat a little bit of your favorite candy? Draw a spooky picture, or watch a Halloween-themed movie. Just enjoy the little things to make life enjoyable in these harsh times.

It seems there is a significant lack of stories on this blog now so I’m going to rectify that now. In the spirit of Halloween, I decided to write a short story with a spooky setting and a twist.

So grab your favorite blanket, a cup of tea, or a bit of Halloween candy, cause this story is gonna be something you wanna sit down and immerse yourself into.

Now, on to the story! Enjoy.

You wake up, your eyes adjust to the darkness swallowing the interior of the room as sweat drips down you temple. Your hands shake, your heart beats so fast that it feels like it’ll break through your chest. You push the covers off your body, feeling so hot that it feels like you’re suffocating. You heave yourself off the bed, bare feet meeting chilled wooden floorboards. The bed groans from being relieved of the constant pressure it endured second before. Your feet pad along the floor as you keep your eyes trained on the entrance to the bathroom, refusing to rest your gaze on the dark form following you, visible in your peripheral vision.

When you enter the bathroom you shut the door and lock it, turning to the sink and turning it on the faucet, you splash cold water on your face, cleaning the sweat that collected under your eyes and on your brow. Suddenly you hear a noise that sounds like scriiiitch, scriiiitch, long and slow. Stiffly, you turn your body to face the direction of the sound, opening the door and looking down. There are fresh scratch marks on the bottom of the door, a new addition to the numerous identical marks it was added to. Accustomed to this, you ignore it, since this has been happening for the past few months.

You trudge back to your room. Reaching the bed, you find a small animal. On closer inspection you find that it’s a rat, or a formerly alive one. Grabbing some disposable gloves, you remove the carcass and go outside to throw it out. Once that’s been done, you get back into bed, eyes heavy and mind drowsy. But before you succumb to your sleep, something climbs onto the bed, slowly making its way toward you, the pressure of its hands and feet make you shiver.

The creature growls when you try to move, so you’re left unmoving while the creature moves up and down your body, until it settles on your just. It purrs when you reach up to scratch between it’s ears as it slumbers on.

The creature is your cat.

So, how was it?

I know I said it would be spooky with a twist so their you go! I’m not a fan of horror or anything remotely scary because I’m a big scaredy cat and can barely handle scary movies or stories. So this story might not scare most of you. But if it brought you a few laughs then that’s enough for me.

Anyway, I hope you all have been having a good Halloween! Stay safe everyone!

Writing

Love yourself, love your art!

July 16, 2020 BackStory

(Hello, I hope wherever you are in the world, you’ve been having a lovely morning, evening, or night. And if you weren’t, then I hope reading this will bring your mood to a better state. Because you are worth it, and deserve happiness. 🙂

Before I start today’s post, I would like to address the little issue that came up when I had published my post last time. There seemed to be a some technical difficulties. You may have received multiple emails/notifications indicating that I had posted. Which was NOT intended. The bug has been fixed so hopefully it won’t happen again. Sorry if this caused any trouble.)

Recently, I’ve been spending a lot of time drawing, writing, and animating. It’s been a continuous process of coloring, shading, distorting, filming, and frame calculations. All while figuring out if what I made looks good or if I should throw it into the garbage.

As you can see, I handle failure very badly.

You see, as soon as I get really hooked on a project, I don’t rest until it’s reached the point of perfection. And when it isn’t, I get really frustrated and try again and again to make it look the way I want it to. Sometimes it’s really difficult to reach that point.

Creating things is fun of course, but it also can be mentally draining.

As an artist, you will be subjected to praise and criticism; just like anyone else. And in many cases, most of the criticism comes from the artist themselves. Someone else may say that it looks good, but there is always something that you may find to be wrong in whatever you’ve created. You might think:

“Why didn’t I ink this better.”

“Why did I use this marker?”

“Why did I only use this many frames per second?”

“Why is my voice so out of pitch?”

You might look at another person’s pieces and wonder, “Why can’t I do it like they do? Why is theirs so much better?” But in hindsight, thinking like that won’t make you feel any better. It’s going to discourage you from doing what you do best. Which is being the person you were born as. And that also means doing what you want to do in life. Don’t constantly criticize yourself harshly. Constructive criticism is good, example:

“This part looks good, but maybe I could use a different medium next time.”

“I’m proud of this! But what could I do to make it slightly better?”

( I use the term “artist” very loosely. Art itself manifests into a countless number of forms. Not just traditional painting and drawing. I’m talking music, film making, photography, sculpture, writing, fabrics, and so much other amazing things that I don’t have enough space to list. Everyone is(and can)be an artist in any way. )

Art is not a weak subject, far from it actually. It can move you to tears, or make you happier then you were moments before. And the process of creating something is euphoric and is kind of like a meditation for the mind. No matter what medium. When you are creating art, you are taking a piece of yourself and letting it reside in what you’ve created. You’re trying to convey a message through something else, so the person who will eventually view it can feel something from it.

But it can be a frustrating process to figure out how to do that.

Painting?

Words?

Drawing?

Sculpture?

Photograph?

Film?

Fabric?

Music?

Etc. Etc.

There are endless options when it comes to expressing yourself and what you would like to convey. But you also have to think about how your going to find the following things:

Tools.

Materials.

TIME.

The first two can be acquired physically or digitally, and there are many materials that you may already have at home. But if you’re a pretty busy person, it can be hard to fit in a certain recreational activity or hobby. But then again, you shouldn’t spend all of your time working. You’re going to stress yourself out and I don’t think you will even be able to function properly if you just work all the time. You’re only human right?

Anyway, I think that part of the reason why art is so important, is because it gives you the freedom of creation and versatility. There are no guidelines or rules for art that strictly say what it should look, feel, or sound like. That’s why it’s can be so calming and atmospheric.

Atmospheric?

At-mos-pher-ic.

Is that the right word for this?

Right, back to art.

I strongly suggest that you take the time to do something artistic in your free time. It could just be coloring for 5 minutes, or playing around with a music app. Whatever it is, you don’t need super-amazing-extra-fantastic-beautiful-gorgeous-complicated skill. As long as you’re having fun and relaxed, that’s all that matters.

The reason why I went on a whole rant about not criticizing your art and just flowing with it and yada yada, is mainly because we as humans can sometimes have the tendency to overthink things. And with all the chaos our world is in right now, all of us could do well with some calm I’m sure.

Don’t think too much about what you’re doing and just flow with it. You’re a leaf that has fallen off a tree and you have now fallen into a slow running river. Trust it. Let the water flood around you and guide you along a peaceful journey that leaves you breathing steadily and your mind free of thought.

When your doing art in order to relax… DON’T STRESS OUT OVER LITTLE THINGS. It’ll only make you feel even more mentally drained. So try to forget about everything that’s going on in your life and just make art. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it doesn’t have to be shown to anyone. You’re doing this to make yourself happy and at peace. And that’s all that matters for now.

I hope all of you artists out there found comfort in today’s post, and even if you aren’t an artist, you don’t have to be one in order to pick up a brush or start some wicked story just on your phone. You don’t need special skills to make yourself happy.

Stay safe, stay happy, and make some art you beautiful people!

Writing

Tree are the only ones who won’t judge you if you hug them too long.

July 6, 2020 BackStory

Trees.

I hope we all still remember what real-life trees look like.

I’ve mentioned many times before that our house was a fixer-upper and we had to do a lot of work before actually moving in. Of course now it’s been a few years since then so there aren’t any major changes and fixes we have to do. But we’ve been adding new elements to our home like new plants and crops, or benches and seating areas around the outdoor area of our house. I think our house has changed very drastically since these three stages:

Renovation

Moving In

After Moving In

There are a variety of things that can make a place feel like home to you.

Maybe it’s the decor, or the people who live there with you. Or maybe it’s the location that makes you feel relaxed and at ease. Many people have different preferences when it comes to making themselves a/o their families comfortable. And it can be a few or a lot, but whatever it is, in the end if it makes you happy then that’s okay. For me, home is where I can curl up in pajamas all day, hair in a messy bun, and cuddle with my family and hang out together no matter what time of day.

Like I mentioned before, you can get homey feels from objects that make you feel happy and at peace too. Which can be plants, pillows, paintings, anything really. But in order to make our living space into a home, we had to make some changes to our house as well.

Obviously, it didn’t all happen at once, thus the different stages that I listed a few paragraphs before. Everything that was done for the house was done gradually and at the time when it felt like the right time. Nonetheless, my parents both underwent a lot of hard work to progressively make our house into more of a home. And there were definitely a lot of difficult things to do with each new addition or movement that was done around the house. Like moving our planter boxes, which are extremely heavy built.

This house has undergone many beautiful changes, interior and exterior. But I think the most gorgeous parts are in our front and backyard, where we have a copious amount of plants.

Many of the plants that we have, were grown from seeds or bought when they were still young, and there are also very old trees around our property that have been here for a number of years, quite possibly a couple decades. But of course, my dad being the big lumberjack he is(I’m kidding, he’s not a lumberjack), decided to go out and buy a bunch of trees!

I know what you’re thinking,

“Kanmani, they’re just wee little baby trees, what’s the fuss?”

NO THEY WERE NOT “WEE LITTLE BABY TREES.”

As you can see from the font size, this triggered me quite a lot.

My dad had spent four days. FOUR. Getting various different types of trees and planting them in our side yard. And they weren’t full-grown adult trees, but they were about 6 or 7 feet when my dad had brought them home. One of them being a maple tree. Either way, those tree’s were way bigger than I expected them to be. And i was okay with that part obviously.

However, what I wasn’t expecting how arduous it would actually be to plant these awfully heavy trees. So I assumed my dad would call someone, or maybe a professional, to help us put the tree safely and properly into the ground. Seeing as that was much more logical and harmless.

But my dad being the person he is goes with the complete opposite and decided to do the whole thing by himself. Which made both my mom and I go absolutely bonkers. While my dad is a very hard worker, and is always stubborn to do things by himself. He also has this incredibly constant knack to end up hurting himself physically in the process.

There have been countless instances where my dad would waddle into the house like a guilty child who ate a forbidden sweet in the kitchen, while cradling his hand, finger, or ankle with a scratch or cut. While he would receive an earful of scolding from my mother and me while my dad listened to us sheepishly.

Anyway, the reason my mom and I always go ballistic when my dad does another major project without any other person’s guidance, is because my dad will end up getting hurt. But it’s not like my dad listens to us anyway. No. He just barrels forward with whatever he had his heart set on doing

And this time was no different.

So there he was, paint splattered jeans, working gloves, and a massive shovel reading to disembowel the ground and burying the roots of a tree into it. Which is very laborious work mind you.

And if you think that’s hard, before my dad could even start planting them, he had to get them out of the car. Which was also super complicated and difficult. I mean, imagine taking a tree nearly the size of a basketball player out of your car while it’s laying down. Your gonna get slapped by some branches and get scritchy scratchies all over your arms and legs. But did that stop my dad?

Apparently not!

My dad spent four days planting four different trees in our front yard by himself, with little to no assistance. And each day he would have to transfer the tree out of the car before going over to the front yard to get it ready for planting.

After that, my dad would start digging subaqeuous holes in the spots where he wanted to plant the trees and let them grow. The dirt in our front yard isn’t, by any means, soft either. It’s good but it’s very hard to just scoop out in once go. So my dad had to go through like a bulldozer through that dirt because of how hard it was. While in the sweltering Californian sun.

But in the end, with all that hard work my dad had to do, we ended up with our front yard looking really gorgeous and fresh. And I think we’re all happy with the results.

I really wanted to do a post that was more focused on the natural aspects of home design before I start going into interior design strategies. And I hope this also helps to give you ideas on things you can do around your house or if you wanna try something new.

Stay safe, stay happy, and keep your plants(and yourself)happy!

Love you!

Writing

Hi KonMari, I’m Kanmani!

July 3, 2020 BackStory

Recently, I’ve read through most of my collection and re-read books I haven’t read in a while. Honestly, it’s really nice to read books from a while ago and reconnect with them. It’s like catching up with someone you haven’t conversed with for a long time. And if it’s amazing to experience the same emotions you felt while reading the book the first time, and maybe even experience heightened instincts and anticipation.

While befriending my old books again, I was also able to revamp my list of my all-time favorite books. As an avid lover of books, my list of favorites is always changing and growing, but some books still stay on that list even after years of reading it. Now that I’ve mentioned it, I’ll share a little portion of my list with you guys.

“The Little Prince” by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
“Mirai no Mirai” by Mamoro Hasoda
“The Martian” by Andy Weir
“Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” by J.K. Rowling(But all of the “Harry Potter” books are really good)

Each book that I listed has a different theme, moral, or purpose. And each one hold vastly different characteristics and standpoints that can reside differently depending on how you interpret the author’s words. These books are one that I hold dear to my heart and mind because I loved the concepts, metaphorical standpoints, and the pure artistry from the author. I feel like there are a lot of people who don’t realize that books aren’t just pages that hold nothing but boredom.

Not to mention that there’s this exceptionally stupid stereotype that every book you pick up will be like a book you picked up in the past that you found boring.

Even if you don’t remotely like books, I recommend you don’t use the excuse, “Oh, there just aren’t any books that really attract my attention.” The great thing about books is that there isn’t just one person creating them. There are hundreds of thousands of people who write books based on something they are an expert at, or have had an idea planted into there head that they want on ink and paper and share with others.

There are so many different kinds of books tailored for different types of people. So there is an incredibly low chance that you won’t find something that even momentarily grabs your attention. And if you don’t like reading tons of words and paragraphs globed together(it’s okay, sometimes I do too)there are plenty of mind-blowing comics, manga, and graphic novels to choose from.

But there are time where we can’t just read books that touch our own pleasures. Like fantasies and such. But rather, more informative books to strengthen our awareness of a subject. It may be because you have to study for a class; or are in dire need to pass it. In those situations, we often begrudgingly sit down to pour over the book to strain out some cohesive knowledge.

And I understand that. Sometimes I find it difficult to sit down and focus when I could be studying something I enjoy learning about.

But the great thing is that there are so many incredible authors who realize this and tailor there work to be written in a way that makes a topic that doesn’t catch your eye at first, but then becomes completely mesmerizing. Sometimes it isn’t the subject, but how it’s written that will help you keep it in mind.

One such book is, “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” by Marie Kondo.

The first time I read was when it released 2014. My dad had brought the book from the library and handed it to my mom for her to read. But my didn’t get around to reading it herself so I ended up reading it instead. As the years passed, I progressively started to understand the methods in the book each time I re-read it. And I love Marie Kondo’s perspective on tidying, and her procedures for improving your lifestyle through tidying properly.

Her methods focus around discarding the things that you don’t need or “don’t spark joy” and keep the things that do. Rather then cluttering your life(literally and figuratively)with things from both those categories. Not only that, but you must thank your possessions for the hard work they did while serving you, and thank them when you use them everyday.

But you aren’t supposed to just go barging through your house and throw away everything you think isn’t useful. You have to go through each category of items:

Clothes
Books
Papers
Komono(Miscellaneous)
Mementos

Marie Kondo designed this method to help you realize what you need and don’t need. As well as learn along the way how to store everything properly. Rather then giving you rock hard phrases of, “Do this and your entire house will be clean!” or “Do this, this, this, and your done!” Marie Kondo takes all of her methods and backs them up with logic and very simple yet deep philosophy that really changes your perspective on you lifestyle.

I also wanted to point out her incredibly way of writing. She’s written her book in a way that was welcoming and understandable for any type of audience. Even if you aren’t a huge fan of cleaning up after yourself, this book teaches you how to enjoy it. And learn how to identify what you need and don’t need. And it’s all written in a way that is simple, concise, and deep.

This book was really eye-opening and taught me to look at everything with the utmost attention and perception; and think of every possible outcome rather than making one-sides decisions. Plus it’s such a calming book to read, I can completely flow with the words and understand them. I really recommend this book even if you aren’t looking to do some tidying.

As always, stay safe, stay happy, and get off your device and go outside and read a little bit! 😉

Writing

How to start a fire(without causing disaster).

June 24, 2020 BackStory

Since the summer holidays have started, we’ve all been trying to entertain ourselves and do productive things amid the insanity the world is experiencing right now. None of us have gone outside unless absolutely necessary. But obviously, I think some of us are going just a tad bit crazy from staying home for so long. As the eldest, I’m usually in charge of keeping the younger two entertained and smooth over any fights(and try not to cause any). And make sure nothing ends up in blood and tears.

Along with that, I also have to entertain myself. I mean, I already finished 2 out of the 3 books that I have to read for my Pre-Honor’s English class,(both of which making me question everything I know about literature,). If I’m bored, then I’ll usually draw or watch my favorite YouTube channels. But even then, boredom can still reach it’s peak. I mean come on, I can’t just sit around like a cone of melted ice cream and expect myself to stay sane that way.

There have been times where I have been considering mass producing pictures of my face and my sibling’s faces, and then sticking them around our house. But of course, that would involve a lot of printer paper and ink cartridges. As well as having the constant worry of wondering if a small child’s face will greet you when you are doing something as innocent as brushing your teeth.

We’ve basically reached the point where everything we didn’t really do that much before(when we were all busy with work and school), have now implemented themselves into our daily lives to keep ourselves from having the same exact experiences everyday.

My siblings and I, for example, have been taking cardboard scraps and turning them into art projects. My sister is currently infatuated with the one and only Minnie Mouse, while my brother is immersing himself into the world of drawing out robot blueprints. Naturally, they would both go to me to help tailor what they created in their whimsical minds. Which leaves me to tell you all that I know have light bruises in between my fingers from holding scissors in uncomfortable positions for far to long.

As for my parents, they’ve become very meticulous with they’re plans on activities and such, and always insist for us all to stay outside rather then holed up in our house.

(Now this is the part where I will tell you why the title of this post is relevant to today’s rant. )

A couple weeks back, it was around 9 or 10 o’clock at night and I had stayed up reading while my parents were relaxing in the living room and watching television. Then my dad called me to the living room and said he wanted to show me something. And there I was, wearing pajamas and rubbing my eyes sleepily as my parents point and do there own commentary of whats going on in the video.

The video consisted of a sweet couple demonstrating how to make a brick stove within 10 minutes; using very few materials. The video itself made the project look very simple and doable, and I assumed my dad would want to try it for himself. With that in mind, I bid goodnight to my parents and squashed myself into the bed sheets. I didn’t think much of it until the topic arose once again.

A few days later:

My dad had gotten quite a few bricks and instructed my mom on how to stack them properly, while my dad grabbed a tool from the garage to sever a couple of the bricks in half so they would fit on the corners of the brick stack properly. Meanwhile, my brother was in a complete panic because he didn’t like the prospect of having smoke anywhere near us and our house. And just as my mother started setting the sticks we place inside the stove, he lit a match and dropped it into the squat little stack of brick. And just as that happened, smoke started to curl around us as little flames made themselves known before

There it was, our own homemade “rocket” stove spewing smoke everywhere as wind blew in our direction as little flames licked the surface of the brick. My sister and I went back and forth trying to find sticks to feed into the stove to keep it going. And so far it seemed to be working little by little. It was obvious that there were some improvements that had to be made in order to have the stove work properly instead of just spew smoke directly at out faces. But my mom still managed to boil something in the stove and experiment with it as time went on.

I think my parents have found the perfect technique that works for us because we were finally able to use the stove in a way that allowed us to have things cooked constantly rather then the flames just giving out in random intervals. But I admit that finding the right way to construct the stove can be a bit difficult. You may have to add in different components in order to get it working the way you want it to, but that doesn’t mean it still isn’t a great way to live outdoors.

Long story short(well, this wasn’t really a long story but you get what I mean), we’ve reached the point where we are now starting fires in our backyard. But we’re all happy, so that’s what matters.

Our entire family has taken to staying outside for the entire day and only go inside when it’s bedtime. For one thing, it’s just too hot to be inside where you’ll be burned into a crisp. Not to mention that there is much more space outside and fresh gusts of wind; as well as the constant symphony of the surrounding wildlife.

In this time when a lot of things may leave us unsure or frightened, lets take a moment to enjoy the happiness that being outside can bring us. Even if you’re just looking out a window, take the time to appreciate the beauty that we are nestled in.

As usual, stay happy, stay healthy, and don’t forget to give yourself moments to just breathe.

Writing

Don’t overlook the small things, they could mean a lot more later on.

June 8, 2020 BackStory

When you hear the word “food” whats the first thing you think of?

Your favorite food?

Making food?

Eating food?

Do you imagine a fresh bowl of fruit? Glistening from a wash in the sink, vivid colors heeding each other as they attempt to attract the attention of their consumer? How about a steaming bowl of noodles? An array of vegetables and spices nestled into the side of the bowl while the rest of the contents are doused in thick sauce and liquid. Soaking everything in its path and giving it pigmentation.

Your mind may take you to a time when all was right in the world, and the only thing you felt was warmth and natural comfort in your surroundings. You may remember a food that – no matter how many times you had it – made you feel better then you were moments before your stomach was deprived of occupation.

Food is a crucial part of every living thing. It provides nourishment, strength, as well as containing elements that can be beneficial for your body. (Depending on what you’re actually eating)

But it is also a provider of a multitude of emotions; such as nostalgia, happiness, warmth, etc. I like to think that food isn’t just something that we need to survive physically. But also to keep our minds cleansed and happy too.

For example, eating foods that you like – or find particular happiness in – can increase serotonin levels. Which is excellent because serotonin is a crucial neurotransmitter in the human body, as well as the chemical in our bodies that is popularly known to be the supplier of contentment and joy. Low levels of serotonin can leave you feeling depressed, irritable, and low in physical(and mental)vigor. Your thoughts will also be very dark and negative and you may experience increased levels of anxiety.

Keeping your serotonin levels at a steady rate is good not only for your mental health, but benefits you physically as well. When you’re happy, you will be more active, productive, and you treat yourself and others better as well. When you are rather depressed and inactive, you could crave food, or not want to eat at all. Which can lead to being over or under weight. And when your mental conscious has no motivation to do anything and stays dark and pessimistic, you won’t really want to get up and do something active either. Inactivity can also lead to major negative factors for your body, inside and out. (If you want your serotonin to be a decent degree, consider inputting little things into your daily life that makes you happy. Like reading, listening to music/podcasts, etc.)

Long story short,

Food is pretty important if you wanna function properly.

I’ve always grown up with home-cooked food, and I’m used to my mom’s little experiments(that somehow always end up successful when she does them) Because of this, I always prefer eating warm food rather then something that was pre-made.

Along with that, I always bring lunch from home to school rather than purchasing something from the school cafeteria. I sit down at lunch and I’m instantly happier when I see delicious food waiting for me. When I’m stressed about a major test or something went wrong, I’m always comforted by foods that I love that were made by the person I love.

The food that my mom makes everyday can only be described that way too. It’s just love and comfort. Eating something she made just instantly makes me feel this internal warmth that I can’t seem to describe. And my mother being the loving mama bear she is, will not let anyone leave our dining room table until they are stuff full of her magic that she calls food. Whether it being just us, or with guests over, tabletop conversation is usually just my mom saying:

“Would you like some more of this?”

“Okay then, how about this?”

“Does anyone need something to drink? Water? Tea? Coffee? Juice?”

“Would you like some more rice?”

“I also have some dosa/chapathi/vegetable sides/chutney/every South India food imaginable would you like some?”

“WhAt Do YoU mEaN yOu’Re DoNe EaTiNg I’m NoT dOnE fEeDiNg YoU.”

When it comes to attending to other people during mealtimes, my mother is an unstoppable hurricane of love and rice that will feed you until you can’t even think of food anymore. And I say this with the deepest and utmost affection. (And 15 years of personal experience.)

I’ve always been a lover of good food, and I am always open to trying new things(If it stays within our vegan/vegetarian basis). My favorite foods are all Asian foods, but I always get super enthusiastic when my mom tries experiments in the kitchen. And that has been happening quite a lot lately since we are all at home and we rarely go out. My mom has tried some new things that she hasn’t done before, like:

Naan
Pizza Dough
Carrot Cake
Tirunelveli Halwa(A popular India sweet. Also, please forgive my spelling.)
Potato Chips
Mayonnaise
Fruit Yogurt

Personally, I wasn’t surprised that my mom nailed all of these unfamiliar recipes on the first try, considering that she has had years and years of experience in the kitchen. She knows how to work around technical issues and dealing with an unexpected situation when working on a meal. Not only that, but she can create a loophole that can have our resulting product be absolutely perfect rather then an actual disaster. Which are all skills that I wish I had, but hope to attain as I slowly try to get used to working in a kitchen.

So, this post is pretty randomly written. I will admit that now.

But each part of this post really just has the purpose to convince my reader(You!)That anything, even the smallest of things, can bring you happiness, peace, and joy. Even in this time when everything seems unpredictable. And lately, I’ve been finding myself happy everytime I sit with my little sister and make yogurt for her, or grab an ingredient for my mom in the kitchen. It’s these little things that keeps us going throughout the day, even when we’re at our breaking point.

Being isolated for a prolonged period of time can really make you hypersensitive to your own atmosphere and emotions. Especially when you are left to yourself a/o a very small amount of people. Each experience we are blessed with now is something we should cherish. Everything we do now and consider “normal” and just overlook; could be different years from now.

And that’s okay.

Keep the people you love, and the people who love you, close. Don’t forget who you love and live for. And most of all, keep yourself healthy and happy. Don’t let these dark times seep into you until you succumb in it’s grasp. It’s unsurprisingly easy to do. So do little things that make you happy, and don’t forget to always have time to take care of yourself. And like I mentioned before, eating food is an exceptional way to increase serotonin(happiness).

Before I end this post, I would like to address the recent events that have been happening recently that have caused protesting around the world.

Everything that has happened has made my heart ache for those who have been lost, and those who have been deprived of the love and acceptance they deserve. Discrimination is not something that should be tolerated, and we should all embrace our difference and should not judge others because they are different from you. Diversity is what makes our species so beautiful. And when we are all together and supporting each other, that’s when we are the most powerful.

Be safe, be happy, be healthy. And always love yourself.

Personal, Writing

An Introvert’s Lament

April 9, 2020 BackStory

Last Friday, I had an English assignment where I had to write about my experience amid the global Covid-19 pandemic. As well as my feelings as this takes place worldwide. Our teacher said that we could write this in any written form we wanted(poem, song, narrative, etc.)so I chose to do it in the form of a narrative essay. Documenting my experience and emotions through this difficult time. I wanted to share this with you because what we’re all going through right now is something not a lot of people have experienced in their lifetimes.

This is something I never expected to happen and so many emotions were swirling inside of me that I didn’t know how to filter them. But writing was my best option. And my only option. The pen and paper never give you backlash. They are the tools to help you convey things that are sometimes hard to express with your voice. So this assignment was probably the only thing between me, and me just snapping from how crazy all of this is.

I just wanted to share this with you all because it didn’t feel right to have a piece where my emotions are just raw, with absolutely no filter, and not share it with others who may be struggling with their thoughts on this as well. So please, while you’re reading this, think about how you are feeling.

An Introvert’s Lament

Kanmani Harivenkatesh

English 1

Between the ages of 3 to 10, the prospect of the world being anything but perfect was astonishing to me. That not every human being was kind, that many people don’t sleep safely with their stomachs full and a loving kiss from a dear one lingering on their temple. But as I grew, I experienced the world with eyes wide and my heart pinned to my chest. My mind had grown from these encounters and observations, but hardened my perception of the human race and the world we live and coexist with.

Of course there’s a multitude of things in the world that reap emotions from me that are fiery and awful, I hate it. But I feel anyway because I don’t have the capability to lie to my own conscience. Some of that hatred is directed towards the harshness that comes with being a teenager in today’s world. Anxiety, social burdens, educational pressures. So much in such early stages of life and yet no one cares to ask, “How are you feeling about all of this?” Life moves too fast and I feel like I’m not catching up fast enough. And yet, here I am now, sitting at my desk with absolutely nothing else to do except write until my wrists give out. There are many things that happened in history that shape our species’s race. But I have never, in my entire life, experienced what we are going through right now globally.

When the virus started making headlines(I’m not even gonna sugarcoat this because this is the brutal truth)I brushed it off. I thought it would come and pass like so many things in today’s news. But I never thought that it would manifest into what it has become now. I’ve read enough books about statistics to know that in many cases, nothing goes down until it reaches its peak. And in order to cut something off in the middle, you have to take extreme measures.

This concept was brought into my mind once again on our last few days of school before it was cancelled for a considerable amount of time. Quickly replaced with a stuttered “Distance Learning” that keeps me on my toes and ready to polish off 45+ math problems in twenty minutes flat and turned in. Sure, learning is certainly more relaxed now that we have the opportunity to go at our own paces, but it isn’t the same when there isn’t someone to guide you.

Hospitals across the country, across the world, have to take double shifts, reuse tools and material, leave themselves without sleep for extremely long periods of time. The stress they are undergoing without buckling under the pressure is something that I will never forget for the rest of my life. And it’s going to be pretty hard to forget the rest of all this too.

Another emotion I’ve been feeling is frustration and fear. The two mental states that are extremely hard to express for me. And yet that’s the only thing I’ve been feeling everytime I read the news, or keep remembering that life isn’t normal anymore, and it’ll we a while before it actually is again. And the fact that this is completely unpredictable really scares people We don’t know when it will stop, how many people will be affected, and how long this will actually last. These are all questions that I wish with every beat of my heart, had answers. But clearly they haven’t been answered with precise statements yet, so that’s just wonderful. (No, it’s not.)

With this being a new experience for everyone, it’s brought us all together in a way too. That is quite an ironic thing to say considering we are told to distance ourselves from others, but we are in this together because nearly everyone in the entire planet is going through the same thing. Not one country having to fight for themselves, but everyone. Tied together in a way that truly represents the bond we all have. That we are all connected and there for each other even in these distressing times where a little word of comfort can do so much.

With the virus cases increasing, so has human kindness. Neighbors offer to buy groceries and leave them on the doorstep, stores and shops delivering food rather than customers coming to purchase them. Everyone is going through this at the same rate. Staying home and cuddling with blankets, or getting work done in their homes rather than an office. Everyone has now immersed themselves into the natural habitat of a full-fledged introvert. Which is certainly a good thing. Not only that, but the decrease in greenhouse gasses going into the atmosphere is healing the wounds left by pollution. Which I never expected to happen since I was too busy worrying myself over the virus.

Even with those small notes of happiness, it doesn’t shake the feeling of complete helplessness that I feel each time I see the numbers of virus cases increasing every time I decide to take a look. This essay was a good way for me to let out what I was feeling, but I still need to stoke what’s still bubbling in me every time I remember that I can’t even hug anyone anymore.

This essay wasn’t too negative, but it wasn’t very sunshine and rainbows either. But we can’t let our dark thoughts flicker and burn. We have to drown them before they consume us whole. That is the most dangerous thing about our minds. They can convince us of horrid things that maybe won’t even happen. But we must stay positive and follow guidelines such as social-distancing and only going out if it’s absolutely necessary.

Let us stay positive and happy. And try to find a way where you can channel your thoughts. Because you are not alone, and never will be. So fall into the embraces of what you go to for comfort. Confide in it, and receive the closure you seek.

Writing

What to do when your quarantined. A guide to keeping yourself from being bored to oblivion.

March 26, 2020 BackStory

A lot has happened in the world since my last post. And I’m having a bit of a pickle trying to figure out where exactly I should start. But you know, like always I’m gonna wing it and start from the beginning.

Friday, March 13, 2020 9:20 am

Around this time, the Coronavirus(or Covid-19 as they now call it) had already been a rising concern amongst various countries around the world. Some schools had already been shut down until further notice. But our school hadn’t done that just yet(keep note that the date listed above was a while before now, just to give you some perspective). My friends, teachers, and basically the entire school population wanted to be at home rather than being jostled into classrooms and intermingling with other people’s germs.

I was sitting in biology, finishing up with correcting my latest test(98% woohoo!)my friend was sitting next to me as we were getting packed up for our next classes. I was reaching down to grab my pocketbook to jot a reminder down for myself when the principal’s voice boomed through the loudspeaker. That being a rare occasion, the entire class perked up to hear what the principal had to say:

“Teachers, please read to your students the email that has just been sent to you. Once again, teachers, please read to your students the email that has just been sent to you.”

The email stated that all students, administrators, and faculty would not be coming to school on Tuesday of the next week(Monday was a Teacher-In Service day). And a set date hadn’t been confirmed for when we would be on campus once again.

My friends and I looked at each other, our expressions disgruntled and asking a thousand questions.

“When will we be back at school?”

“1/2 of the second semester is ending, how will we turn in our final assignments?

“Will our grades go down?”

“How will we do assignments and takes classes?”

The classroom had reached a soft hum, everyone was distracted. Emotions were tossed about the classroom like a volleyball; confusion, relief, irritation, fear.

The only emotion you could see on my face was this:

…

(￣ᗝ￣) r u serious

As soon as I left the classroom, I bolted to the nearest bench so I could put down my stuff and pull out my hand sanitizer, which I proceeded to vigorously on my hands and in between my fingers. Which was a habit I had since elementary school; but every since this virus broke out, it was done with new purpose. I rushed to my next class, eager to discuss this with my friends who had the same questions I did. That we all did.

The rest of the school day was a blur, everyone’s mind focused on getting things out of lockers, collecting the necessary material to keep at home, figuring out ways to get classwork done when not set in a classroom. And we all left with promises of seeing each other whenever school would be open and safe again.

It is March 26th, 2020, and quite a few days after the “Shelter in Place” order was put upon California. The overall experience thus far has been nothing but odd. I myself am a pretty introverted person as I have emphasized on multiple occasions. I like staying home rather than frolicking about the city wearing sunglasses and having a selfie stick as my partner in crime. I’m not a social butterfly but I’m not necessarily a hermit either. So you can imagine my surprise when the Californian government is telling me to stay home. Like what?

Self-quarantine, social-distancing and maintaining self-hygiene seems to be the best way to keep this virus away from touching more people. So if you see the streets empty in your favorite hotspot, or a line of stores and buildings empty. Well, in this particular case it’s the best thing to do. But these changes have made our ordinary everyday lives, not so ordinary anymore. So let me give you a little peek into my daily routine in quarantine:

8:30am: Wake up. (And proceed to roll around my bed like a ball of mochi until I have the motivation to get up. Which takes 30 minutes).

9:00am: Get all the hygiene stuff done and eat a breakfast.

11:00am: Sign into an online video chat with my Algebra teacher and classmates on Zoom. A math lesson that will proceed for roughly 60 minutes.

12:00-2:30: Get all my work done and turned in for the day. The assignments usually aren’t due until a few days after they are posted and assigned, but I always try to do work ahead of time to get it out of the way.

2:30-Bedtime: The rest of the day is left to leisure, I can chill out and watch videos on YouTube, binge movies, hang with my munchkins, draw. And just keep myself from getting bored.

Looking this schedule over, it seems simple, and not as elaborate as a usual day. But this virus has changed so many things for so many people that it’s brought on new experiences and habits to even the busiest of us.

So, in order keep safe, let us all:

Wash hands thoroughly with soap for 20 seconds or more
Disinfect constantly used objects
Stay away from people who look sick or are sick
Cover your cough and sneeze to avoid transmitting bacteria to people surrounding you
Avoid touching your eyes, nose, and mouth
Wipe down all surfaces
If you want to hug someone, give them an air-hug instead 🙂

Take this time to do the things that make you happy and calm. And avoid reading the news too much, it’ll agitate you and your mind to the point where you get paranoid.

With all that said, I will be sharing with you, the things that have been keeping me occupied and happy through this odd period of time. And hopefully can help ease the feeling of being in an unfamiliar territory in this icky situation our world is in.

(Disclaimer: NONE OF THIS IS SPONSORED. I OWN NONE OF THE PLATFORMS, LABELS, OR NAMES LISTED IN THIS POST.)

Music:

I’ve been listening to BTS’s new album Map of the Soul: 7. Which came out late last month. Personally, it’s one of my favorite BTS albums to date and every song has incredible lyrics and vibes. My favorite songs from the album were:

“On”

“Filter”

“Friends”

“Black Swan”

and “Louder than Bombs”

I encourage you to listen to this album because it touched both my mind, and my persona in a whole new way. Plus, the whole album just gets you to feel things. And opens your senses, blocking away the serious thoughts clouding our minds.

I’ve also been working through Selena Gomez’s latest album Rare. My top two from that album so far are, “Ring” and “Look at Her Now.”

Books:

Recently, I binge read through the entire Japanese manga series “The Girl from the Other Side” and fell in love with the soft art and detailed story. I also recently finished the book “Moon Chosen” written by P.C. Cast. Which is a compelling fairy tale-isque story. But of course, I’ve also binge-read through the entire Harry Potter series. Again.

Television/Media:

To keep myself entertained, I’ve been watching movies on Disney+ and watching cooking videos on YouTube. I’ve also been gaming quite a bit and reading web comics. The apps I do recommend are the following:

Webtoons – You can find tons of comics and manga written and drawn by incredible artists around the world, and you can find works based on the genres you prefer best.

Alto’s Adventure – Alto’s Adventure has probably been my favorite game to play on TV and handheld devices for the past couple years. The game is really simple and calming to play. The graphics and the design are soft and aren’t heavy on your eyes. But the artistry is minimalistic yet stunning. The music is also very mellow and comforting.

Tasty – Tasty is actually a YouTube channel that came from Buzzfeed. The channel itself has many how-to’s and recipes and cooking and baking tips. But now they’ve put it all into an awesome app-form that leaves your tummy rumbling. You can save all your favorite recipes so you can go back to them. You can find tons of different meals, snacks, and desserts to prepare at home. And there are lots of recipes from around the world. Like India, Japan, etc.

Animal Restaurant – Animal Restaurant is a sweet game where you are helping a little crew of animals run a new restaurant and work as an employee. It’s a fun, relaxing game, but it can be a bit addicting!

Hidden Folks – Hidden Folks is basically a search and find in an animated app form. The levels get increasing more difficult as the layouts become more intricate. You will have to find people, objects, and animals.

Music Tiles – This is a game where you can tap into your inner musician and unlock different songs to play on tiles that represent piano keys.

Essentials:

Cozy clothing – I don’t think I’ve worn anything except pajama pants and a super soft sweater ever since school ended and I could care less. It’s make me happy to be a living mochi everyday.

Tea – I’ve also been drinking lots of tea lately, it warms me up and it’s really yummy! (Except when I’m the one brewing it and not my mom).

iPad Pro – This is where nearly all of my schoolwork and communications have been happening constantly. From my Zoom calls to schoolwork. And gaming too. The Notability app has been my favorite app to use for productivity and written digital notes.

Sleeping – I just love sleeping in general. And being lazy.

Cuddling – Just cuddling on the couch with a cup of tea, pajamas, tons of blankets, and the TV on or a good book is my ideal way to spend every day. I recommend that all of you do this at least a few times. Take this opportunity to just stay home and laze around and do nothing. Melt into the couch cushions, indulge in your favorite series, catch up with an old book. Because what’s worse than any virus, is losing ourselves to the panic.

I hope all of you will stay safe, healthy, and happy. And let yourself be brought into the embrace of soft cuddles with your blankets, and a good movie on. That’s an order!

Writing

“Isn’t Christmas essentially a personified form of cavities?”- said no one ever(except maybe my dad)

December 24, 2019 BackStory

When I was in preschool, I was a wee little bean of confusion who would make questionable decisions once in a while. Wandering around the play structure with a dinky little red trike being my steed in the journey through the play structure(which didn’t take more than two or three minutes give or take). I would come home from school either recalling every single detail of the handful of hours that I was away from home:

“Amma, todayIwalkedthroughtheschooldoorsthenItookthismanystepstothe middleoftheroomthenIputmybackpackawayandthenitwascircletimeandthenI atemysnackwhichwasGoldfishandappleslicesandthenIplayedintheplayground witharedtricyclebutthewheelwasbrokensoIcouldn’tplaywithitanymorebut that’sokay.”

Or I would just silently eat my squishy, pink and purple vitamin gummies(because I absolutely r e f u s e d to eat the disgusting orange flavored ones that tasted like fever medicine and cough drops had a baby).

But aside from my exceptionally peculiar childhood habits(that I sometimes conduct now)preschool had introduced many new things that I wasn’t familiar with.

Like Christmas.

乁(๏ _ ๏)ㄏ

Now I don’t personally remember this at all, but my parents told me on multiple occasions that we started celebrating Christmas because I came out of preschool one day asking, “What will we do for Christmas?” Which ended up with a little Christmas tree in our apartment and me obviously not remembering the rest of it. But I do really appreciate my parents continuing our own little Christmas traditions, and even expanding it for my two younger siblings.

And to be honest, as a big sister I finally understand why they did that. And it’s to see the joy on their little faces when witnessing the lighting of a hand decorated tree, eating a Christmas cookie, and opening gifts that were placed under the tree.

With that said, Christmas is tomorrow, and I’m pretty excited. But everyone celebrates the holiday differently, or doesn’t celebrate at all which is perfectly acceptable. But today I was set to work delivering little gifts to each of our neighbors and honestly, the overall experience was just so heartwarming and felt like being wrapped in a warm hug.

My favorite part of birthdays and holidays overall, are giving little things to the people I’m close to. I particularly enjoy making and putting everything together, and delivering them to whoever they are set to. And it’s the best feeling in the world to give that happiness from your own heart to someone else.

In that case, I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday, and spends this precious time with the ones you cherish most. And give them an extra loving hug. On my order. Cause with this season, everyone needs just a pinch more sugar and spice, and a heaping of everything nice.

Writing

What does, “Thank you” mean to you?

November 28, 2019 BackStory

The phrase “thank you” is a term used constantly by nearly everyone around the globe. And if you go to think about it(don’t worry I’ll do the thinking for you)we can probably go back to a conversation and catch ourselves saying that word a handful of times.

And in my opinion, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Human beings have done a multitude of things in the very short period of time that modern humans have existed(200,000 years). We’ve weaved sounds made just from our chords in our throats, mouths, and lips, and symbols scratched on stone, into languages. Sometimes, while I’m writing, I think about what would happen if we didn’t create

One of my favorite things about language itself, is that no matter which one you speak, how many you speak, or who speaks it, nearly every single language has an exact or vague phrase for “thank you” and “I love you” And you can banter with me all you want, but that’s my logic so I’m stickin’ to it.

In regards to the present day, the windows are painted grey from the sky, orange from the trees, and some stray rain droplets sitting stubbornly in the edge. I honestly feel like I’m living in those classic seasonal holiday calendars, and there’s an illustration for each season; and we’re all wandering in the depths of a watercolor painting.

It’s been raining on and off for the past couple of days, my family and I are all wearing sweaters and thick pants, I’ve got some incredibly soft, knit stockings on my feet(I feel like my feet will freeze to the point of pneumonia without them)My fingers are very very cold so it’s fabulously hard to type this right now. But I’m managing.

Kind of.

It’s funny to imagine that just last week, the weather was nice and sunny. Sure it was still very cold, and the wind is relentless, but autumn was slowly easing in. But then, just a day later, it was raining. And it was raining very hard. The wind started creating little storms in the leaves, and just walking outside was physically painful if you weren’t properly dressed. Man, I can’t even imagine what it’s like to live in places that experience below 20 degree weather when I can barely handle 50 degrees without wanting to cry.

Now, today is Thanksgiving. And I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family and friends, and eat lots of yummy food! And do all of your Black Friday and Cyber Monday shopping. But do so wisely! Think with your head, not your money. But instead of anticipating all the shopping you’re going to be doing(which I highly doubt you won’t be)let’s take a second to think about all the things that have helped you this year, have given you hope, and just made you happy.

So, what are you thankful for?

Today I want you all to just think about that question, and enjoy the time you are spending with the people you adore the most.

Have a lovely Thanksgiving!