When I first started this blog, I took it as an opportunity to show that I was capable of more than just what the adults around me thought I was able. My own little archive to hold all my interests in the real world. Digitally enhancing my ability to connect with people in a whole new perspective. Even when thousands of miles apart. This blog was started when I was eleven; two years ago. That doesn’t sound like much when I put it out there, but to me, those two years were two different lifetimes. Each with their own ups and downs. I’ve improved a lot ever since then. In a lot of things, my drawing, music. But I still have a long way to go.

For a couple days, I’ve been skimming through my earliest posts. From the dawn of my blog. The first couple entries I did on here were consistent in posting sure, but the content itself as a whole I’m gonna be brutally honest and say;

I could’ve done so much better.

Realizing this, I also noticed that I’ve kind of drifted away from those types of posts. I realize I didn’t really show my own personality through my writing. Which basically crushed the entire point of my blog. 2018 was the year where I probably realized that. I’ve definitely tried putting in more heart in my posts and I can’t and won’t stop. But this year and the two years before have been hitting every nerve and heart string in more ways than I knew possible. I’ve realized it’s crucial to have the kind of author’s craft that

I criticize myself constantly each day when it comes to writing or drawing. Constructive criticism, a process that I’ve come to value more than ever in 2018. This year was incredible in terms of skimming through. Seeing my family again, learning and loving things I will cherish forever. Picking up new hobbies and interests. Opening my mind and letting new things enter and blossom.

This year I’ve met people that changed my perception for the better, making me grow into the person I want to be. Rather than the molds society shoves towards me. I’ve realized that not everything will go as planned. Things that have went wrong can’t always be fixed. But sometimes that okay. Even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time. I’ve learned that letting things go are the only way I will grow as a person in this vast universe. Even if it’s the most heartbreaking thing I’ll have to do, I know that I can, and I will, come back. Grown.

But the most important thing I’ve learned?

You can’t live the same way all the time.

Routine is great, especially in specific areas of achievement, like work or school. But not in life. Never in life. You can’t be doing the same things, being the same person every day and call it a life. Be spontaneous, vivacious. Splurge a little with your emotions. It’s okay to be angry sometimes, to want to tear down the whole world or cry until your voice is hoarse and your screaming your heart out. You can’t stay quiet forever. Let your voice be heard. Express your thoughts in every way possible, art, music, writing, dance, singing, sculpting, screaming. You can’t afford to live the same every. Single. Day. Let out the fiery part of you waiting to come out, show the world who you are on the inside. Make them never forget the impact you put on them. So many people have for me.

It’s about time I did too.

But something about 2018 has gotten me thinking about more than just my own personal realizations.

If you think about it, we’re all connected in a way that would seem almost impossible to a skepticist. You and I. Reader and Writer. My emotions will fluctuate through my writing, flowing like a course river, or a high tide. You will read, connect your own memories with mine. It’s the same with everything we do in life. I don’t really know how to put this but-okay, I got it.

We all breathe the same air, need the same things to survive. But most of all, we can understand emotion in such a way, that we can heal ourselves or others. Build relationships and cultivate them. Spread our loves and opinions like a wild fire. Until the entire world burns. Even strangers can understand, read your face. Even if it’s only for a mere few seconds. We can have instant understandings just based of body language and facial expression. Completely wordless. We share a silent, mutual understanding.

It’s incredible isn’t it?

You know another thing I learned?

I am probably the most inconsistent writer there is. I don’t even think I should even be in the category of “writer.” I mean, I write a heck of a lot of stuff for school, pages and pages of crosses and X’s, dashes and weird squiggly lines indicating changes that need to be made. Spending days, weeks on manuscripts, thesis’s, memoirs, crazy almost unreadable papers answering state test topics. I’ve probably written enough in the past couple months in school than I did in my free time. And no it’s not writers block.

I know I keep apologizing, long sentences of remorse and extenuation that is only half justifiable. I’m not gonna apologize anymore; I think you guys have had enough from me. No more excuses. So if I don’t post for a long period of time, you guys will know that I’m hunched over on my desk or by the computer. Papers askew and threatening to fall over and create a tsunami that I won’t have time to clean. I’ll also be doing lots and lots of multitasking so there’s that too. I’m most likely going to be cowering over the desktop and typing like a ballistic maniac. But I’m on my winter break write now so I’ll to post as much as I can in the days to come.

That basically sums up my first resolutions. To post more often.

Y A Y.

Another thing I actually learned was in India actually.

Man, I learned a lot of things this year.

I am fabulous.

Just kidding haha.

Anyway, when we were in India, I realized that all of my family members were immersed in their own beliefs what was most important to them. Like Babu Peryiappa(my uncle). He completely absorbs whats around him and baths himself in what he loves. What’s most important to him. He is happy in that way. Same with everyone else. To them, their everything was family. My mom, dad or one of my siblings would walk into a room and one pr both of my grandmother’s would instantly perk up. Their eyes glowing with love and so many other things I can’t describe.

So here are the top things I realized in 2018 are the things I can’t live without.

• Family

• Friends

• Art

• Music

• Writing

• Beliefs

I think you all have been reading long enough to know the first six. But the last one well…

That’s new.

I realized that having my own beliefs are probably what sustains my heart and soul itself. More than money and things. More than everything in this world that someone could possibly need or want besides family and friends. My drive, my need for purpose. To be different from the world. It’s what anchors me to real life. It’s what keeps me from completely disappearing into my own insane delusions.

I believe that anyone can do anything when they have the right people beside them the entire time.

I believe that surviving isn’t the same as living.

I believe that your differences are what make you beautiful.

I believe that without fear, there is no bravery.

I believe that at one point you should be strong enough to stand alone. But smart enough to know when you need help and then ask for it without fear.

I believe that greatness don’t come when you’re in you comfort zone.

I believe rules can be broken when you know they’re wrong.

Happy New Year everyone.